Reflections on Walking with Hands Behind One's Back: A Commune Cannot Run on 'Putting Yourself in Others' Shoes' and 'Mutual Understanding'

When I was a child, I never quite understood why so many adults liked to walk with their hands clasped behind their back, as if it made them look dignified and imposing. I thought it was putting on airs, and even a little annoying.

But as I grew older, I found myself gradually starting to walk with my hands behind my back too. The reason is actually very simple: walking this way lets me straighten my back a little, and my lower back feels more comfortable.

This small thing has made me feel more and more that so-called “putting yourself in others' shoes” and “mutual understanding” are actually very hard things to achieve.

For many things, when you have not reached that age, have not been in that position, and have not gone through what the other person is going through, you think you can understand others, but in fact you may not really understand them. Only when you yourself arrive at that place one day do you suddenly realize: so this is what he was thinking back then.

This also holds great insight for the operation of KangAi Commune.

Over the years, we have often hoped that the platform could understand its members, and that members could understand the platform; that those seeking help could understand those sharing the cost, and that those sharing the cost could be considerate of those who are ill; and when disputes arose, we again hoped that both sides could put themselves in each other's shoes and be mutually considerate.

These are of course all good wishes, but if a commune's operation has to rely on everyone understanding each other, it is in reality impossible, and very fragile.

Because people's circumstances are naturally different. Those who are not ill find it hard to truly appreciate the anxiety of the ill; those who need help find it hard to always think from the perspective of all cost-sharing members; and the long-term fairness that the platform weighs when facing thousands upon thousands of members may not necessarily be understood by a person who is going through a specific hardship.

So we have come to realize more and more: understanding can defuse conflicts, but it cannot become the precondition for a system's operation.

What can truly keep a commune running over the long term is still open rules, fair procedures, and institutions that everyone recognizes together. Even if people cannot fully understand each other, even if they stand in different positions and have different feelings, everyone still knows how things should be done and is willing to accept the constraints of the same set of rules.

This is also why we place growing importance on mechanisms such as the community covenant, adjudication, deliberation, and amendment of the community covenant.

Of course we hope for more understanding and consideration between people, but what we hope for even more is to build a commune like this: one that does not require everyone to understand others, and does not pin its hopes on everyone being reasonable, yet can still operate fairly, in an orderly way, and for a long time.

After all, a truly good institution is precisely meant to let people get along with each other even when they cannot fully understand one another.